cancer · family · gratitude · healthy lifestyle · Uncategorized

June sucks.

This is a post that I never wanted to have to write again. I’ve debated whether or not to even share this. I’m just pissed, and I’m just done with it. However, I’ve kept my life on this blog pretty open and transparent, and I’ve shared lots of important milestones, whether they were good or bad. As difficult as it can be, I find writing and sharing to be cathartic and therapeutic. I’m hoping that this post will result in the same.

As I’ve already written about, I was diagnosed earlier this month with a herniated disc in my neck, or more specifically, the C6-C7 part of my spine. This has to be fixed surgically. My surgery is scheduled a week from today. It will take 6-8 weeks to fully recover, according to my surgeon. I’ve already been modifying my activity level for the past 6-8 weeks, so this journey has felt like it has taken years and not just a couple of months. The thought of surgery is scary for me; I’ve never had surgery. I’m also dreading staying overnight in the hospital. But I just keep telling myself that I’ll probably be too tired to really notice and I’ll be home before I know it.

And just when I thought that this was bad enough, Kayla got some concerning news at her oncology follow-up a couple of weeks ago. The cyst that has been hanging out in her ovary for a few years has grown quite significantly in the last year and for the first time since discovering the cyst, the oncologist started talking about surgically removing it because he’s worried that it’s taking up too much room in the ovary. He feels that if Kayla waits too much longer, he won’t have any chance of removing the cyst, while still preserving her one remaining ovary.

So Kayla thought, cool, I’ll revisit saving some eggs, just in case the ovary can’t be preserved, and then proceed with surgery. She and her husband, Riley, met with the fertility specialist last week and the news didn’t go as they had hoped. The doctor told them that the cyst is too big and that they won’t be able to harvest any eggs without damaging the cyst, and if this cyst happens to be cancerous and it’s ruptured? That would be really bad. The kids were devastated to hear this.

Therefore, Kayla has decided to have surgery as soon as possible. This will be surgery #4 for her. And that stupid c-word has entered her life again. While her oncologist doesn’t think the cyst is cancerous, he can’t say with 100% certainty and so not only does Kayla have to worry about possibly losing a second ovary and lose the chance of having a child naturally, she also has to worry about possible cancer being back in her life.

I hate that she has to go through this again. I hate that all of us have to watch her go through this again. It’s so unfair. Just when we think she is done and her life can return to normal, shit like this happens and I just want to scream for her.

And in the meantime, I have to try and focus on my own healing and recovery through all of this.

Cue pity party.

The first 24 hours after hearing this news were hell for all of us. But if you know our family well enough, you know that we don’t back down from a fight and we will slay whatever comes in front of us with a damn smile on our face because that’s who we are and it’s what we do.

We don’t know when the surgery is yet, but we hope it is soon so that this monster cyst can be removed safely and we can find out that it’s benign. Then maybe Kayla really can move on with her life normally.

What do we need? We need good thoughts, we need in-person and virtual hugs, if you’re the praying type, pray hard, and this mama needs some fast healing vibes so that I can focus on Kayla without compromising my own current health issue. Do a workout for me, even if you’re not working out, just work out for me because cardio, lifting heavy things, and cardio are my therapy and it’s temporarily been taken away from me, but if I see you working out it will bring me joy and I could use all of the joy I can get right now. And wine. I also need wine.

Once again, I will use this blog to send out updates. I will vent, cry, and ultimately (hopefully) celebrate.

May your glass (and mine) always be full,

Tammy

5 thoughts on “June sucks.

  1. Dang it anyhow. I will keep you and Kayla in my thoughts and as soon as I get through is next couple of days I will start working out which I haven’t done for a very long time. Bigs hugs Tammy

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