cancer · mixed germ cell tumor · ovarian cancer · Uncategorized

Alien parasite

I watched a movie over the weekend called The 5th Wave.  It’s about an alien invasion that happens in coordinated attacks; the first wave involves taking away all of the electricity, the second wave is a big tidal wave that wipes out much of the human population; and the third wave, which hits humans with the plague.

It turns out that many of the aliens have been here for a really long time before the invasion, lying dormant inside their human hosts.  During the fourth wave, they come awake and take control of the humans.

I’ve realized that I have an alien of my own that has invaded my brain.  It lies dormant most of the time, but every now and then it will wake up and give me a jolt as if to remind me it’s there and that I can’t escape its clutches.

It’s called Fear.  More specifically, it’s called Fear That Kayla’s Cancer Will Come Back.  It sucks having this thing in my head and I just want to get rid of it.  Kayla has been in remission for almost six months now.  She feels fine, and so this fear that rears its ugly head at random moments is quite disconcerting.  I had a really great weekend spending time with my family and yet I lay awake in bed last night with this overwhelming fear that things could change in just a split second.

I’d like to be able to just push a button and zap this alien presence out of my head.  And I’m sure that this parasite has invaded Kayla’s brain, too, as well as everyone else in my family.  This parasite lives in lots of human beings who have gone through a battle with cancer.  Lots of us live with it and sometimes we can’t help but let this horrible monster take over our thoughts and control what we do, especially when it seems to wake up out of nowhere and invade our thoughts when we least suspect it and there’s no way to fight it off because we’re thrown off our guard.

There are two weapons that we can use against this parasite invasion:  Hope and Love.  Hope gives us the ability to tell Fear to fuck off and go find somewhere else to live.  Love gives us the strength to fight off anything.  Luckily I have both of these things in my arsenal.  So far I’ve been able to fight off the Fear whenever it tries to take over my brain.  There are moments when I feel too tired to fight, but luckily, those moments are short lived.

I suppose in war terms, Kayla won her war, but we’re still dealing with the aftermath that follows a war: picking up pieces, putting things back together and rebuilding.  There are going to some days that are harder than others.  Today is a hard day, but tomorrow will be better.  Before long, the hard days will be outnumbered.

The alien will grow quiet and will eventually die.

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