As I wrote earlier in the week, Kayla had her last scheduled chemotherapy treatment on Monday. You would have thought that it would have been a great week. We could go back to our normal routine until her next follow-up visit on December 3rd. We’d all be in a celebratory mood. Yay! Kayla is done with chemotherapy! This challenging, nightmarish journey is over!
But I’ve struggled this week. I’m having a hard time focusing at work. I can’t even get excited about things that I’m normally passionate about, like healthy eating, and working out, and reading. I feel like I’ve just been going through the motions most of the time. I wouldn’t exactly call it a feeling of depression, but I’ve definitely been feeling lost and a bit blue.
Why do I feel like this? I should feel happy and grateful! And then I talked to my husband and oldest daughter on Friday night and they said they feel the same way. We realized that until we find out that Kayla is cancer-free, that no more treatment is required, we will have constant worry and fear in our minds. It will be hard to live our lives normally until we know for sure what’s going on with Kayla.
I think (and hope) that this will get better over time. Yesterday was Halloween, and it was a really great day. I started off with a full body massage at a salon, which I’ve never had before. It was wonderful! Kayla and I had lunch and then we carved pumpkins, which we haven’t done in several years! We put up some Halloween decorations in the yard and I roasted pumpkin seeds. We had quite a few trick-or-treaters, which was nice because we usually don’t get many. And then after dinner, my husband, Kayla and I watched the new Poltergeist movie. It was scary good!
Today Kayla and I are having Indian food for lunch and going shopping. Girls’ day out! Haven’t had one of those in a while!
Maybe this is the start of things feeling back to normal.
Courage for Kayla!